"Are there Any Girls There?" Make a Perception Check

    Sometimes the types of conversations that come up at our weekly dance night here in the area amazes me.  As I bounce around with the various people I regularly quest with in life all of us telling adventures in our "tavern" during down time, I find so much of a variety in life.  Just last night, between the insane amounts of dancing I did, thanks to my two friends the DJ's who made a great attempt on my life via dancing, I bounced from conversations with a friend of mine who is another female gamer type and her adventures trying to write plot line for a video game to various political issues that people have to talking about different types of music and the effect they have on people.  It was a blast!

    One of the conversations struck me pretty hard as it is something that I have to think of often as a female, especially one in the gaming community.  The person who brought it up was one of our younger sidekick types.  To be fair to him he doesn't have many friends and being of the geeky/gothy variety of people, like many guys that age, aren't so good with the newly found social skills.  Not a judgement, just an observation, it is something that often happens to us geeky types before we come into our own and level up as it were.  Some never get there and other's blossom, level up and become better in our charisma and diplomacy rolls.  

    He brought up the fact he feels that females seem to be revered in the communities that we are part of.  Which is true, females ESPECIALLY in the gaming communities are, it is a relatively new thing for there to be as many nerdy women as there are now.  Just as an example back when I started gaming, which was longer ago then I care to admit to, being a young lady who played D&D or the White Wolf World of Darkness games was nearly unheard of.  You were more likely to find girls who would play video games then anything else, which in many ways has continued to this day, however it was still rare to find girls who would play games like StarCraft (a little later in the time period then I'm actually talking but still it pertains) or things like that.  The fact I was a female who loved table top rpgs, played Magic the Gathering and played those types of video games was strange and unusual, but for the most part the guys thought it was cool.  

    Even in more recent history females who play miniature games and things of that nature, while becoming more frequent, is still not something that happens AS often.  I mean I started playing World of Warcraft just after it came out 8 years ago people were shocked when they found out I was actually not a guy playing a female character.  So yes, we are looked at somewhat on a pedestal.  Most males like having ladies in their gaming groups.  Come on, can keep up on the fighting, role playing and for a lot of us, quick on the problem solving feet and it gives the guys someone to talk to who isn't all male all the time.  Honestly I think sometimes it can bring people into gaming.  I can't tell you the number of times I've had male friends admit to me that they started playing a particular game or larp, walked into a gaming store, decided becoming interested in miniatures because of a lady or ladies that they saw there.  I don't know about you, but to me that sounds like us gaming/geeky ladies are a good thing for the industry.  So I think we should keep it up!  I mean really...do you hear many of the guys complaining that we're around?  

Get Ready for the Real Life Plot Twist

    Some days I really do feel like fate likes to pick on me.  After my day of finding an NPC to be a traitor yesterday and being in general in a fairly down type mood this morning today I've had a bit of a twist in this game that is my life so to speak.  It's a bit amusing how that can happen, one moment the heroine (in this case being me) is down and feeling somewhat defeated after beating my head against this one particular boss, puzzle or quest a whole lot of times and then suddenly there is a shift in what is going on and it all makes sense and it's time to actually finish the quest and move forward.  

    In this case I seem to have had a major debuff on me lately that had made me invisible to job opportunities.  Unless they were outside sales for insurance companies or alarm companies and let me tell you how much that is not an adventure I want to embark on currently!  So apparently this morning either the debuff wore off or I finally rolled the appropriate saving throw to get rid of it because I received not one but two calls from job potentials, who wanted to set up interviews with me either this week or next week.  So now I have two interviews next week with things that may be the start of my next adventure!  Shiny!

    One of these jobs may very well be the deus ex machina that I've been waiting for!  It was definitely a boost to my confidence that was desperately needed!  I'm hopeful and looking forward to my victory fanfare and the start of my next adventure.  I am generally a relatively hopeful and optimistic person, however this would open up a whole new personal story line for me to follow and happily bounce around as my little Cleric/Roguish self.  It very well may not happen and honestly, I'm not stopping my quest for the new job in the meantime, however, I felt like quoting my little Elementalist from Guild Wars 2.   When one of her abilities ends up healing her (she has one ability which I love where a Phoenix flys away and hits everything in it's path, causing damage and causing the bad guys to be on fire, and when it comes back it heals her), she sighs and says, "That was refreshing."  Makes me smile every time, and is seriously how I feel after those phone calls today!

    I'm just going to sit here with my hope that I will no longer be in a job where I will have to keep rolling my stealth checks, and when I fail them have to have big boss fights.  Because that might just help the beat of a different drummer which I dance to in life could become a little happier in it's beat.  I know I for one would be extremely grateful for any good things coming my way.  So here's to hope!  

NPC Traitors in our Midst, Waiting on that Victory Fanfare

    There's definitely some super secret squirrel quests going on at my work lately.  I've come to the realization that perhaps I am here only until they decide that I'm not needed any longer.  Which is completely ok as this is my starter quest towards whatever is going to come up next.  Overhearing people who turn out to be working for both sides is fun.  Traitors in our midst and all that.  I am pretty sure that they haven't fired me yet because I am still useful and no one else wants to do my job.  I feel like I just found out the NPC who'd been helping me through my personal quest just revealed she was a traitor and working for the bad guys all along.

    The big reveal came today when she was up here watching the phones so I could do something in the back and one of the other girls that work here came in, I heard her whispering to the one who'd just come in, "See, this is why I haven't fired her, because I hate being up at the front."  The other woman started laughing and told her that made her giggle.  Pretty sure I wasn't supposed to hear, and really I'm surprised I passed my listen check as I'm slightly hard of hearing so that's not usually a thing that happens.  But the one time I did, they say that ignorance is bliss, well in this case, with this job, it truly is.

    I know honestly as a person, they like me, as we always have pleasant conversations and agree about a lot of things.  I think perhaps I'm just a bit too different and weird for the spot, as you all know I'm not really all that normal in societies terms for it.  Though honestly, I see normal as a setting on a dryer and that's about it.  Or maybe I have too much spunk and life for this job.  Seeing pretty much everyone else here are kinda Eeyore like and stuck in their ways and I have never intended to stay here permanently.

    This job feels somewhat like it's one of the old platform video games.  You know, like Mario, Sonic, Metroid, you  know the ones.  Where you have to fight your way through the game, climbing up the ladders, jumping over obstacles and bad guys.  Right now I'm in a boss fight after fighting my way past a bunch of the little guys to get here.  I know that the victory and end of the game is coming, if I can just figure out how to beat the final boss.  I don't even have my god mode cheat code to fall back on anymore just have to keep hitting the boss and attempting to defeat him.  Once I am through this fight, I'll be able to jump to the flag and go into the castle victory fanfare going in the background.  I look forward to this day, because it means that I can move forward and into the next level or game and see where in the world I end up.

Meanwhile, in the World in My Head

    Seeing as right now I'm being completely distracted today by one of the novels I've been working on.  All I could think this morning as I was getting ready for work was, I don't want to work, I just want to stay home and write all day.  I know it's cheesy but you know what, it makes me laugh and is SO true today.  I mean come on if you had the ability, wouldn't you want to stay home and work on something you love doing rather then going to a job where you have to pass stealth checks and try to find things to keep yourself occupied all day?  I am extremely lucky in the sense that I can pull up my novels and write while I'm here every day.

    I am currently in the middle of three novels that I'm writing, two of which I'm actively working on regularly, the third is a project which I HAD to walk away from due to being stuck.  Yay for inspiration and where she takes all of those for whom she commands, she is a hard leader sometimes and demands much, only sometimes though.  I have the type of brain that I just have to work on a couple of things at once.  Otherwise I'll get stuck and stagnant in the one, which will only cause me to walk away from the project and stop writing it.  I know myself in this aspect and therefor I have a couple things to work on at all times.

    The two that I am actively working on right now are actually from the same world.  One is about a cleric who ends up surrounded by a bunch of rogues after the evil which she fights, starts attacking and the rogues hide her, get her out and really show her the world in which they live.  She becomes a part of their "family" and it shows her adventures going forward, from when her temple falls until the story is done.  A lot of it is based on my own life's adventures.  Let me tell you, if people knew the little goody goody I was back in the day, you'd be amazed at where I am now.  There are some who still remember when I was "young, innocent and wore pastel ribbons in my hair." Yes, that was a direct quote from a friend about where we were when we met each other.  I'm not saying I've become corrupt, far from it, just, out of my shell and a lot of that had to do with being introduced to the freedom and chaos of my roguish friends.

    The second is about the rogues in the city the cleric is going to end up in, some of which down the road I already have planned for guest appearances in both story lines.  Where one of the rogues guilds end up with a massive take over, and what happens to the head of that old guild.  What she does, who she blames, how she adjusts and where that whole adventure takes her.  She is still one of the best and can "charm" just about anyone, however, she is also constantly plotting a way to get out, a way to find her friends and a way to get back at the current guild who destroyed her old one.  Essentially it's her adventure on her race towards freedom and her own life again.  This story was honestly inspired by a lot of the more recent events of my own life, and trying to get myself back to where I need to be to move forward.  Plus, come on, it's about a rogues and rogues guild business, and really that's some fun stuff!

    It's been really fun to work on these projects.  I know with a lot of authors, I'm not saying it's a bad thing and it happens even in some of my favorite books, they tell a story about the main character and only somewhat show you the whole world the characters are living in.  This is something I have been trying very hard to do and so far I have felt with working on these stories lines in the same world, it's helping to flush out and show all of it.  It's fun to make characters come to life, believe me.  But I have been learning that I truly enjoy making a new world for people to fall headlong into, read, and see spring to life.

    I know growing up I had worlds in my head which I escaped to, with each book I read, each game with my toys I played and sometimes I would start writing even as a little girl (I have an entire set of 10 children's stories that I started when I was 10, which I need an illustrator for) and I'm learning how fun it is to share those worlds while I write them on paper.  Hoping that someday the world that I have started to create will inspire someone else to see it in their head.  I look forward to that day with all my heart!

With Great Power Comes, Real Life Super Powers

    Firstly I want to say thank you to everyone who's actually been reading this as of today I've officially been attempting at my word-smithing on here for a full month!  So thank you so much!!  Makes me happy to know that my words are being enjoyed and read.  The added fact that people I know in real life have actually brought things up in person to me about stuff I've written, just fills me with a sense of joy and pride that I don't know if I can explain fully.  It's happy shiny cap'n!  So thank you again!  Lets see if we can turn this month into 6, a year and further!

    Now that that's been said, onto the word-smithing!  Along the same vein as people who have more points in different attributes and stats, I've known for a while that some people just have special things that they're good at, things that perhaps aren't always part of the normal array of life.  I saw a VERY good example of someone's real life super powers this past weekend.

    Now my brother-in-law is in this band.  They do a lot of rock, pop and all sorts of other covers.  They're pretty good and seeing I'm also friends with two of the other members from other places, I try to go out and be supportive and such.  Plus usually it's a fun night out with my sister as she often will go to the shows and if I'm not there will end up sitting alone waiting for the band, which I always feel bad about that, but it can't always be helped.  Well Friday I was actually free and decided to go to the show.  It was at a venue with a whole lot of frat guys and college kids, most of whom were there for the Top 40 dance night after the show.

    So we sat at a table in the front of the bar.  In completely plain sight of the bar and the waitstaff there.  My sister informed me that she was invisible so hopefully she wouldn't have to go up and order/get the menus.  She also informed me that perhaps it would be different as she has even noticed some of the attention I get despite me usually being oblivious to it, which is generally the case with me, my friends have spent MANY Con's, Ren Faire trips, just trips out in general watching and laughing at it and telling me later.  Needless to say, after a half an hour and no one had come over to us, I was astounded.  I'm especially not used to this at a food/bar establishment.  One of the band members went to go get us menus and send someone over to us.

    We ordered food and when it was brought out by the cook, he fell over in apologizing to ME, about not paying attention earlier and talked only to me until our friend in the band informed he should ALSO be informing my sister about this as well.  He glanced at her and nodded, sorta including her in the conversation.  He walked away and I nearly fell over laughing.  She TRULY is invisible in public, it's SO weird!  Natural cloak of invisibility go!  Was so funny!

    I don't usually get to be invisible when I go places so as the evening progressed, I was actually enjoying my evening of being covered in her invisibility field, until she walked away again later on.  As SOON as she walked away it was as if I'd been noticed for the first time, as some guy came up to me and tried to get me to go to another venue to see his other friend's band.  I was polite and told him that we were here with the band that was currently playing, he proceeded to tell me how cute I looked sitting where I was and hit on me.  I did my best to be nice but politely shut him down.  He walked away as my sister came back and I was covered in her cloak of invisibility again.

    This proceeded to happen throughout the night with various other people, as soon as she walked away it was as if the flies had smelled something that had been covered previously.  By the end of the night I was really tempted to start talking about gaming, Star Wars or something else that would probably have caused them to roll there eyes and walk away.  I was amazed and now fully believe this is one of my sister's true super powers.  I mean I've been passing my hide in plain sight checks, but this was....seriously all natural and just happened.  I am still somewhat laughing about it today.  So now I know if I ever want to hide when I'm in public, take my sister with me.

    I know that a lot of my friends and people I am close to have some sort of "super power."  But this was just a full out show of one in front of my face and amusement to boot!  Seriously, I want to start saying, don't mess with me, I'll get my sister the super hero now....they don't have to know that it just means we'll both disappear and walk away, you know growing up she and I always were night and day...this makes WAY too much sense that she's invisible.  It makes me think of what super powers I would want if I were to have an actual super power.  Did I mention I'm a super hero fan girl?  Yep, I SO am!  I mean come on, I dress up as Poison Ivy, it's kinda a given!

Communication, Helping to Make Things Work in a Real Life Group Quest

    In a table top rpg you have a group of adventurers who is part of your group.  Or in MANY video games, particularly MMO's, but you see it in FPS' as well where you can team up with people to complete a common goal.  Well as I've mentioned before I have an amazing real life party who I've been adventuring with.  It's not the smallest party and there are generally multiple people that fill the rolls of tanky type, dps, healing and the like.  I tend to be some mix between healing and dps so NORMALLY I don't have a lot of time without a tanky type about when in company of friends, as I am apparently crunchy and taste good with ketchup.  Doesn't mean I can't smote things and take care of myself when solo questing, but, when group questing or adventuring I am usually protected.

    Now as I said, I don't always need the protection of my tanky types to block aggro from the things life throws at me, or with random "talk to this person" quests.  However I have been realizing that I truly appreciate the fact that for the most part, there is some great amounts of communication between my group as a whole.  There have been a couple of circumstances when I'd bounced around as the social butterfly that I am and one or two of said people actually asked if I needed them to "block" and run interference for me again as they have been known to do in the past.  It made me smile a lot, while not always needed and the times that have actually been in question there were no "creatures or mobs" that I needed to have the aggro taken off of me.

    I mention this as it makes me very glad that I have the communication that I do with those who I've actually considered part of the crew.  Because in the past I've known some tanky types who rather then talking to me first and making sure what the strategy for that particular mob was they would charge in guns blazing, swords flashing like Leeroy Jenkins, not even waiting to see if it was needed.  Which many times causes more issues and frustrates the person they're trying to protect.  While the gesture is appreciated in all cases, it's not always what is necessary and sometimes the protected just ends up, upset as they were able to take care of things themselves.  I know I've had this happen myself and while, it does make me smile that they feel protective of me and try to keep me safe, I'm also VERY happy for the askance first.  Because you know what sometimes the little healer/dpser is actually enjoying the conversation or NEEDS to take care of the problem herself!

   I promise, I'm not complaining about the chivalrous acts.  Because it just goes to show that if people are raised right, that it's not dead.  Which I honestly think is great, again topic for another day, but sometimes a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.

    On a completely separate note, I hope my readers who're going to PAX East have an AMAZING time this weekend, I'm jealous and wish I could be there with you!  Totally there in spirit and hopefully I'll be able to join you again next year!!  Because that is a SUPER fun convention!!  Have a blast and tell me all about it when you get back!

Presence or Something Like it, Real Life Attributes and Stats

    I know, I know, I missed yesterday.  I was kinda dealing with some things that demanded my full attention.  However today we're back and I've got some things all ready to go.  So this week at least my hide in plain sight skill has been working well!  I'm happy to report that I've been continuing to pass my stealth checks, as sadly the boss is beyond diplomacy checks and intimidate would just get me in more trouble and more then likely lead to me needing to find a new place to work.  But hey, so far so good on the stealth check to do this.  So it's all good.

    For a long time I've made references to my own character sheet in life.  Talking about what rolls or how many dots I have for individual stats and skills.  More then likely I have used dots a bit more as I have always been a World of Darkness lover and I like their character creation and character sheets, however lately I've been thinking more in Pathfinder/DnD terms as well, sadly I've not been interested in the new WoD stuff AND that's what I've been playing more.  Plus, it's a lot harder to choose to say be a truly charismatic person or an intelligent person if it's just not there, so for real life purposes I believe the rolling of dice style that is associated with Pathfinder and DnD are much more appropriate.  

   Seeing I've never played a level zero starting character I'd like to say I believe that those are our developing years.  The years of being born, being kids, going through our teens.  These are the things that form a basis for what our 4 D6 and drop the lowest number as we get past our teen years.  These are the times when we find out which rolls are higher and which are lower.  Essentially these are the times when we figure out what class we should be, which honestly can change as you grow and get older, but our base classes are really formed while we are zero level.  

    Lately I've been noticing around me, at work, with friends, out and about in the world what stats and skills people have ended up with a good roll in and which ones they haven't.  For example, at my work, we have one particular person who just didn't roll highly in any stat but Constitution.  She NEVER gets sick, and I've NEVER seen her run down, worn out or overly tired.  She just keeps moving forward.  But otherwise that's about where it ends.  I play a game every day, trying not to laugh when she forgets to bring up the schedules which I have to call in daily so the field guys know when they're working the next day.  She has remembered perhaps a handful of times.  This is something I've seen elsewhere as well, but she's just the biggest example of this in my current life.

    I have several friends who just eek charisma as well.  They can walk into and through a room and people just pay attention to them.  It's as if they have a charm spell, enchantment of some sort or if you're a WoD nerd and know any of the skills from VtM, they have constant Presence going.  I'm ALWAYS amazed going places with them at the amount of attention they get instantly and tend to spend my time laughing at people's attempts to just be near them.  Granted a LOT of my friends are people who rolled VERY well on all or most of their stats, the amazing conversations, beauty inside and out, words from years of learning life's lessons, it makes me proud that they consider me a friend as well, but I've gone over that before.  Let me just say I do have some SHINY, amazing friends.  

   I like to think about some of the "great minds" of our age, thinking about that I'm always amazed at the level of intelligence or wisdom that come from their writings, discoveries, inventions and things that have helped our society move forward today.  I'm constantly amazed at the things that our scientists are finding and figuring out.  I look back at history and see all the amazing things that have been done.  I think to all of the great musical composers and the works that have made their mark on our world.  I think of the art which came from minds which we can't even fathom today.  I think of all the great tacticians which have come through this world.  Someone once told me they loved how I could find the wonder and magic in the mundane, I don't know how anyone couldn't, there's just SO MUCH to be amazed over and learn.  

    There are definitely people who come up shorter, but honestly even those who didn't roll quite as well do have something, perhaps that you might find in their stats if you just look closely enough.  I'm not saying everyone has good in them, because well, sometimes that's just hard to see and believe.  But there are lots more that you can learn about that do have some amazing qualities in them if we just stop and find out who they are.  

Using Stealth to Avoid Real Life Boss Aggro

    For a long time I'd considered myself to be the cleric who'd come to befriend and a part of a group or groups of rogues.  I have been the "good girl" who was always there for everyone, helped glue everyone back together, helped people to heal from heart ache and sadness and tried to be the best person/friend I could be.  I tried to be the best version of myself that I could be and it's still in my nature and demeanor to be a caregiver, though I've realized I've had a lot of survivalist in there too.  I've always tried to do the right thing, even if I got to it my own way and not always gone the road most traveled to get there.  Come on I have had to have a little chaos in my life otherwise it would be boring and well, I've ALWAYS been the one to dance to the beat of a different drummer!

    Lately I've been realizing that I've started to multi-class and the years of spending time with my roguish friends have caused me to gain a level or two of rogue.  The charismatic, mischievous side that I've found in myself and allowed to open up has been a fun thing to find and use.  Now don't get me wrong I still use my powers for good and generally do the right thing.  I still try very hard to be the best version of me, however that person has grown, expanded and blossomed as it were.  Lets just say there has been a bit more fun, mischief and a bit less stuck in my own shell.  It has truly allowed me to open up and move forward to being the person who you see now.

    Lets just say two years ago, I NEVER would have been able to create a blog like this, make some of the hard decisions I've had to make or just allow myself to be as free and happy as I have been recently.  Despite some of the hardships that have come about.  Though to be fair, I think those hard moments in life have helped me open up and realize I needed to grow.  It's so much fun to get that feeling that you've gained a level and in my case are well on your way to your life prestige class.  But that's perhaps a tale for another day and time and besides the point I was trying to make today.  So onto the real topic of roguishness!

    So with my new found rogue levels I have been using some of the skills which are learned through that class.  I've even realized, silly as it is a think to notice, that I'm not so bad at sneaking up quietly on people and hiding in shadows.  However the one I'm attempting to use lately is my hide in plain sight, not an easy task for me as I tend to want to use the back bone I now have which has returned along with my new multi-classing.  Dealing with a boss who will find just about anything and everything to yell at someone for, I decided that today I was going to see if I could pass my stealth checks on this.  As coming in he was yelling at someone in his office and I could hear him from my desk up front.  Mind you he was yelling at someone on the phone, as I have yet to physically see him, I'm hoping it stays that way.  So far I have passed my stealth rolls and the attempt has worked.  I'm thinking I might just make it through the day, not incurring aggro from the boss!

    We shall see how the day pans out, but I'm fairly confident in passing my skill checks as it seems I have a special modifier or feat to use my Charisma (which people seem to think I have in spades) to pass my Stealth checks instead of my Dexterity.  So for the moment I'm hopeful that the day will continue as it has and I'll be able to use my Hide in Plain Site more often to avoid a giant boss fight that might result in having to find a new place of employment!

Do's and Don't's of Real Life GMing

    Had a fantastic time at the larp this past weekend.  I was very pleased I had gone.  Saw some great friends I rarely get to see, got to spend time with the hilarity that is the rest of my Defenders and be reminded I'm truly part of the crew, though I do have to say one of the folks who's sorta fringe part of our crew has to stop trying to set up my little Cleric, though there were funny moments with that too.  There were in character ups, downs and in-betweens, lots of in character emotional moments.  The folks who run the game really did a fantastic job this event.

    Speaking of running games, I wanted to bring up something that I was actually speaking about with a friend of mine today.  We were discussing a little bit a game he's running for some of his friends who live farish away and how he "MAY be a Dastardly DM," and trust me with some of the things he was describing that MAY be is a definite.  However it got me thinking about the fact that most of the good GM's, DM's and ST's I've ever had definitely are a little dastardly.  I know I myself have been that way when I've run games as well.  I think in order to keep people's attention and be considered a good GM you really have to be.

    You want to mix a little bit of the mischief that you may have and in some cases some of your darker sparks, to keep your players guessing.  Perhaps even make it so that they question which IS the right thing to do and who IS the right NPC to deal with and talk to.   It makes people think, and usually prevents the game from turning into a complete hack and slash.  Or in many cases it keeps it from being a "fluffy bunny" adventure the whole way along.

    I can honestly say that if I were spoon fed an adventure I would get bored.  Also if the GM were to constantly help us, was too nice to us, I would eventually give in to my own mischievous nature and start trying to cause trouble of some sort.  An issue I've actually run into in the past is having a GM or ST not let us make our own decisions.  The plot "HAS to go this way, there is no option."  To me that is just someone who can't adapt and show some creativity past what they've already decided is going to happen.

    The whole point of table top rpgs is to have a good time playing a character that is in a world that's not your own, usually with people you're already friends with and to relax and enjoy.  When you have someone running the game who is excessive on any side of the dimension it goes from fun to, eh.  GMing is all about finding that balance and rolling with the punches your players throw at you.  I'm not saying EVERY game has to be you as a GM being evil all the time ever.  But not keeping things too much one way or too much the other is something you really have to do.

    It is something that has to be learned.  I can remember back in the day the very first Changeling the Dreaming game I ever ran, for those not in the know, it's an old school World of Darkness game about fae, I can honestly say I didn't give in enough to my mischievous side and my players got bored before too long.  They stopped showing up and the game just kinda ended.  Over the years I have absolutely learned from my mistakes and though it's been a little while since I've run anything I can say now I would probably do an ok job of keeping the attention of my players with just enough dash of big bad overlying plot and rolling with the punches of what they decide to do.

Beware the Ides...Wait...Why? Eh, Why Not

    A long long time ago (in a galaxy far away...), in Ancient Rome the Ides of March was a celebration for a goddess that little is really known about.  Except for the writings of the poet Ovid, and even then it was only two works about her.  It's said that Rome was empty on that day for the festivities and some speculate that is why a group of people decided to make that day, a day which would be immortalized forever.

    It was 44  BC Caesar was preparing for his day of festivities.  He was on his way when suddenly he was surrounded.  They began stabbing him at the foot of a statue of Pompey where the Senate was meeting and he died, I would think and as Shakespeare portrayed, feeling very betrayed and perhaps wishing he had paid attention to what the soothsayer had told him.  As this famous event is where we get the saying, "Beware the Ides of March."  I'm definitely sure he should have listened to this.  Though no way to really know whether that would have been the case as we haven't quite figured out how to break the space time continuum yet.  Somebody get me a TARDIS quick, preferably with the Doctor inside but just the TARDIS will do!

    Since that event people have used the saying to warn people of this day.  As they all seem to think of it as an ill fated day.  When in my opinion it's just a day a group of fed up citizens decided to take matters into their own hands by killing their rumored tyrannical ideals of their leader.  So in reality, it's a day when we should band together to fight the evil, oppressive or wrong things going on in life.  Needless to say I think I've got that covered.  The true celebration for the Ides of March, well...I'm pretty sure I can get my celebratory side out a bit as well.  Especially seeing part of it is about expelling the bad old year and welcoming in the new one.  I am ALL for that at this point.

    This weekend is a larp where I will be playing with foam weapons, bird seed packets and tying scraps of cloth around people's arms and legs, it's a game called Mythical Journeys and I've been playing for a little while now.  My character for this game is a cleric and healer of Radiance and light.  She is part of a militant group who fights against the darkness, undead things and well evil.  After all what's truly dead should stay dead.  So this weekend I will be banding together with my rag tag crew of Defenders, to fight off the evil that plagues the town and world in which our characters live.  So all in all, I'm taking the true spirit of that fateful Ides of March to heart and helping to bring about good in the world.  Hopefully it will be a good time and we'll all come back with our shields or on them.

PIES, Signs and THACO...Math? for Real Life Geeks...

    It never fails, every year on March 14th there are posts all over my social media about it being pi day.  Now I'm all about yet another nerdy day being celebrated, and seeing it's a math thing it's even more fun (come on I have played AD&D and DO know how to calculate THACO), but it seriously just makes me want to pull out apples from my fridge and make mini-apple pies.  I ALWAYS get the urge to bake things.  I don't usually get around to doing it, between work, social events and gaming.  But it's always a funny thing to be inspired to level my cooking and make something tasty.

    This year it also looks like there will be no pie making in my future, much to the chagrin of the friends I'll be larping with this weekend (they're big fans of my cooking rolls).  As tonight I get to once again go out dancing and having fun with friends.  But I still have that desire to do it.  As I mentioned in my post about costuming, I do have a bit of a domestic side and tend to love baking as well, and from what I've been informed, pies are kinda my specialty.  

    I usually do tend to bake things for my larps and in fact one of the nic-names I've had from the larp Tales of Valor I used to frequent was the "Snack Drakon."  Which for those who're not familiar with said larp, it's a Celtic fantasy larp and Drakon are essentially dragon people, horns, scales, sometimes fangs and all.  But as that character I always brought baked goods, snack foods and extra dinner for folks in case they needed it, hence the name.  So needless to say, I kinda dig baking and cooking.  

    This weekend, while I'll be bringing food it won't be my general spread.  They'll just have to deal with normal store bought snacks and promises that if I'm able to make it out again this season I'll bring tasty baked things next time.  

    So for now I wait for my fun time tonight, wish there was a way to paint the day red, because red makes it go fasta (imagine in the closest orky voice a girl can have) and have my urge to make some pie in celebration of perhaps one of the nerdiest days of the year.  How many numbers of "n" do you have memorized?

Real Life Leveling to Max Level Tailoring

    Lately as I've been watching various different shows and anime's or playing various video games I keep seeing costumes that I REALLY want to make.  Now I am also a cos-player, on top of a larper and I make a LOT of my own costuming for these things.  Most of the garb I own for fantasy larps I have made myself and I've done a lot with cos-play costumes as well, particularly with Poison Ivy who is the character I dress up as most for conventions and things like that.  So I LOVE getting ideas, and spending real life "gold", skill points or focus points on patterns, discovering ways to make the outfits or just sitting down and crafting, which I've always been picked on in WoW as I was maxed out in herbalism, tailoring AND cooking...I guess I just can't escape being domestic in some ways.  But hey, I'm kinda like that in real life too, so I don't mind.

     Now like many girls I enjoy dressing up, and I swear I was born in the wrong century.  So my most recent project was a Victorian Poison Ivy costume.  I wore it to TempleCon this year and plan on wearing it a lot in future.  I feel that I finally kicked over to max level tailoring recently.  I plan on making many more Victorian, Steampunk and other such historical or alternative historical items for myself and for others as that seems to be my specialization in my tailoring skill.  I was so very proud of how the outfit for TempleCon came out.  I received MANY compliments as the weekend went on, which helped.  I also plan on expanding and making that particular costume better for coming times wearing it.

    Dressing up as another persona/character also plays out in fun ways as it shows people you're not afraid of your geekiness and that you know a bit about what you're dressing up as.  I LOVE going to conventions and seeing all the costumes and getting to hang out with like minded people on this.  Over the years I've been to MANY different conventions and seen many different types of costuming and cos-players.  From NY Comic Con where just about everyone was all decked out as their favorite comic characters to anime conventions, which let me tell you the last time I went to Otakon was with a group who went as Record of Loddoss Wars....THAT was fun!

    Something that you DO have to look out for, if your costume is particularly awesome you may have a heck of a time seeing the whole convention.  Because you can literally go 10 feet and then have half an hour of pictures, rinse repeat.  But hey, if you don't mind hamming it up for the camera, you're golden!  Lets just say, go out with your best foot forward in costume!  It's a blast, and when you get the compliments like that, it makes you feel like you accomplished something fun and amazing!

Combating the Aggro from Real Life Creatures

     What I've found in my many years of playing RPG's is that in most of them you have creatures that can either be non-aggressive until you attack them or in other areas VERY aggressive and attack without relenting on site.  They generally emulate real animals or insects from the actual outdoors in reality.  Whether they be cute little fluffy bunnies, skunks or things like that, mosquitoes and flies or some form of scavenger bird.  Usually there's different levels of such as well.  Lately I've been finding and relating those creatures to people in real life.  As I've said before there are "vultures" who've been in my life recently and the more I've had to avoid them the more I've realized that they're not really vultures.  They're mosquitoes or flies.

    In life there are still vultures who attempt to get the attention of people.  Generally those are the ones who try and swoop in just after a break up or heart break.  Trying to pick off the easy target, swooping in with their lecherous ways and often times it works on those who're heart broken and hurting, because at that point at least for a lot of us, it's a type of attention that makes us feel good about ourselves, even if it's not from a healthy and possibly good source.  Generally the vultures lead to more hurt and upset and sometimes can even leave you dead in your tracks.  

    Then you have the skunks (I had been calling these people cabbages, however skunks in my view are cuter and still can have an awful smell).  They are the folks who perhaps are fun to flirt with, look nice, or are in some way attractive to you and then you get to know them, have them be too pushy, get to clingy when you need space, or just in general start to show their "smelly" side (sometimes it's a mean streak or anger issues, sometimes it's an inability to be honest about things, many things can qualify).  The things that make you decide, um, no, no thank you, no.  Generally you walk away as fast as you can from these people due to the trouble, drama, and other problems that come with that territory.  If you do get yourself stuck in a situation with one of these folks, it also can end up with both parties hurt due to shutting off the problems and ignoring them, causing it all to explode in a very volatile manner, sometimes when you were friends with the person first, it can ruin everything that was there to begin with.

     Now, lately I've been dealing mostly with mosquitoes.  These are the people who you are not even remotely interested in ever, and you have never given them reason to believe you are who buzz as near as they can and try to get a taste, when you swat at them ie tell them no, not interested, they continue to come back in force.  They keep asking you out, attempting to "woo" you, trying to get you to let them feed and let them in.  It gets to the point that you find yourself pulling out the big guns and truly shooting them down with fiery passion when they get to the point of actually poking and piercing skin.  I know recently I've had to smack several of those down, pulling out my air spells and hitting the number 4 to push them back and then switching to fire and hitting the numbers 1 and 2 repeatedly.  

    I realize that some of the mosquitoes have probably seen how I am with some of my friends, as I AM very cuddly, huggy, and bestowing of flirtatious attention with some of them and have assumed I am that way with everyone.  I am not however.  There is a certain level of comfort that is required for me to be able to get to that point with someone.  With some of the folks in my life, it's been there since the day we met, even some of those folks it's because I basically have known them before I knew them as they're close with "My Crew".  This is not a thing which happens often, however the other people I am that way with are mostly people I have been "partied" with for years.  They're part of my crew and been travelling the 'Verse with me for a good long while now.  I love that I am that comfortable with some of my friends, however, the point was, when I say no and push the mosquitoes back with my air spell, they should listen and back off, before this little glass cannon calls in her resident tanks to beat them down.

    I do know that there are those out there, who I do enjoy the attention from, and would be open to possibilities happening, down the road.  But I also know what I like, don't like, what I'm looking for and am not going to settle for people who can't allow me to be my geeky self, share my life as well as theirs.  Those who're looking for "the trophy girl" and "ooo look pretty"  need not apply.  

Completing a Quest within a Quest for Real Life Events

    Tonight I definitely had an "Oh Crap!" moment.  I remembered that one of the few larping events I'm ACTUALLY going to this season, was this weekend.  Realizing that all of my garb for this event has been sitting in a bin all winter and needs to be washed.  I mean I haven't thought about any of it since November and it has just been sitting in a bin since then, I decided rather then wait and do it later on this week I REALLY need to get this done now.  It's always very amusing to me, to remember things last minute like that.  Another example for this same game, is the fact that I've had all winter to make a specific prop, a staff, for this persona/character and I just haven't done it.  At this point it is FAR to late to get the materials in time so I may be going weaponless this coming weekend.

    Last minute prep for events, whether they're larps, conventions, SCA events, or even just vacations are always interesting to think about.  At least for me, they involve running around to get things done and then remembering I have other things on top of that I need to do.  I have to find this thing in my bins, finish fixing that item or outfit, make sure I still have this item and make sure it's not needing any repairs.  Usually for me it also involves some sort of cooking or baking as I'm one of those who likes to be prepared and likes to make sure there's things for people to eat, I have my own low blood sugar I don't want anyone else to go without either.

    Granted some of my hobbies may require a little more preparation then some other people's but it's still similar I've found whenever anyone is going somewhere to do something they enjoy.  They always have some form of preparation for the trip.  Some little ritual that the trip or event isn't complete without.  It's kinda like one of the "mini-games" inside the game.  Finding all the pieces and making them fit.  Or doing something extra as a part of the bigger quest.  In my head it's actually being compared to a particular daily quest in Zul'Drak from Northrend in World of Warcraft, yes I have played this in the past as well, when you have to complete the quests for four different commanders of the army in order to get credit for the daily quest itself.  There was even an achievement for getting it done in a specific amount of time.  It was always a challenge to get it done in that time, even after I got the achievement (which didn't take THAT long).  This is what prep feels like for me.

Come with Me and You'll See, a World of Pure Imagination...

    Still a sick girl, and getting ready for a weekend full of family stuff so I may not get around to writing much this weekend so I leave you with a food for thought.  As one of my all time favorite places to go and wander for a day, Higgin's Amory, announced they'll be closing this December, after 82 years of being around.    They were one of the few museums that I've ever heard of specifically devoted to arms and armor, hosts classes on Viking warfare and all sorts of other neat things.  It's going to be missed.

    So what I ask you to do is think about your favorite places.  The ones which you return to time and time again which just make you feel at peace.  The places that allow you to just enjoy yourself and have fun.  Those places that bring a smile to your face when you think of them.  Keep those in your heart and remember them, or even visit them.  Because sadly you never know when something will happen and they won't be there anymore.

    If you are inclined, feel free to comment on here about them and let me know what your favorite places are!

Needing a Bacta Tank Stat!

    As I am extremely sick today, I have been pretty much sitting around catching up on the shows I actually keep up with.  So I really didn't prepare any sort of thing to write about, couldn't really think of anything to write about.  However in the interest of what I've been doing tonight I think I might be able to come up with something little before I go back to falling asleep watching some of my favorite shows.

    It's amazing the impact of different media in our lives.  Take Firefly for example.  This show was one season and a movie which had some serious continuity issues (don't get me wrong, it's one of my favorite shows of all times and I still love both and watch them often), but that one season had a HUGE impact on the geek community.  I mean some of us even celebrate Brown Coat Day (December 9th for those who're not up with the Firefly fandom).  It was an truly amazing show, I mean a lot of us in the geek communities still use quotes from it on a daily basis.  But it was one season of awesome, where there have been many things that have gone on for YEARS and not had such an impact.

    Look at Star Trek and Star Wars(there is still only one trilogy so far) , they made such an impact there are even conventions for both, and video games and merchandise.  They have been around years and have shaped entire communities to the point of reverence of these worlds.  I'm not going to lie, I personally own 3 or 4 of the toy light sabers, have read SO MANY Star Wars books, grew up on Star Trek, TNG, and DS9.   They are things that are just bred into us as a culture.  One of the things I don't do is speak Klingon, but there are many who have taken the time to learn this language which sprang from Gene Roddenberry's mind...I DO know some Elfish however...but that's a story for another day.

    Bring on Doctor Who, who doesn't recognize the big blue police box in the geek world today.  Or jump when they hear the word "Exterminate"  As a life long Whovian myself, I get OVERWHELMINGLY excited when the next season is coming out (March 30th).  To see each new travelling companion and Doctor, so far I adore Clara and can't wait to see what she does next!  To see how each reincarnation of the Doctor has the TARDIS change just a bit.  This show definitely had humble beginnings but...it has come SUCH a long way it amazes me.  It has been such a big part of even my life that I couldn't see myself not watching it now.

    These things bring us worlds for us to enter, share in, and watch unfold in front of us.  Places where we feel safe and connect to them in ways that sometimes end up surprising even us.  It takes some truly creative and inventive minds to bring those worlds to life.  As a writer myself it inspires me to keep at it, to move forward and keep going because perhaps someday they will make a show out of my stories which will live in the hearts of future generations of geekiness which in my mind would be absolutely FANTASTIC!  

The Cake is a Lie because I'm a Potato

    So lets talk video games, as that's something I haven't done on here yet.  I happen to like a lot of video games and play a bunch of them.  There are some I play and well they don't leave a lasting impression and I even forget I played them until someone reminds me what they were about.  Then there are games which peak my interest, drag me in and decide they are not going to let go.  One of those games is the game Portal by the The Valve Corporation, actually both their games Portal 1 and 2 did this to me.  I find myself to this day bringing up the antics, quoting them and just in general having such fond memories about a game.

    In the first game, which both are first person puzzle platform games, where you find yourself in the Aperture Science Testing Facility and you have to solve your way to defeating GLaDOS (Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System) to win tasty cake to eat.  All the while GLaDOS is trying to thwart and perhaps even kill you.  When you finally confront GLaDOS you are able to defeat and destroy her.  You end up outside and get dragged back in.  In the final scene there is the cake of promised awesomeness!  Then you see a robot arm put out the candle...which leads to the second game.

    At the start of the first game, you wake up to a different voice attempting to wake you up.  Seeing that you're alive he gets all excited.  He informs you it's been a few years and introduces himself at Wheatley.  He is anxious to leave the facility as it is deteriorating around you both.  You go through more of the complex and awesome puzzles to get through and find GLaDOS who wakes up.  Remembering you were the one who "killed" her she has an issue with you.  There is a transfer and Wheatley ends up in the mainframe rather the GLaDOS.  He quickly shows the meaning of the quote, "Absolute power corrupts absolutely"  and turns on you.  Meanwhile GLaDOS is forced into a potato battery.  You and GLaDOS are knocked into the bowels of the facility and work your way through the "years of Aperture" To get out.

    Wheatley proceeds to attempt to kill you through testing and other such things, you as Chell are able to trick him into destroying something, becoming corrupted and transferring from GLaDOS' body in all the chaos Wheatley is knocked into space, GLaDOS is back in her body, and she wants you gone from the facility forever.  She lets you go, it is quite the triumphant feel as you ascend the Elevator and listen to the Turret Opera.  Wheatley is stuck in space, GLaDOS is erasing her memory of you and you are free, with the Companion Cube!  Success!

    Needless to say, I have played both of these games a couple of times.  Now don't get me wrong I love my FPS', my RPGs, my fighting games, and of course my 8-bit old school stuff I grew up on.  But for some reason this game, just struck a chord in me and with me and does every time I play it again.  They are probably my two favorite games of all times.  Think about it, what game would you play over and over and constantly find enjoyment out of?  Maybe you should do that again...soon!

When 90 Years Old You Reach....

    So today was my Grandmother's ninetieth birthday.  She hasn't been doing well for a while health wise, but she has lived a long life indeed.  There was a LONG visit with her today and this weekend we're having a surprise party for her.  We know she won't be around too much longer so we've been trying to spend as much time with her as possible.  It really makes me think about all the things I'm involved with in my life, and I wonder if I will still be a nerdy old lady when and if I get there.  She is MUCH more all about clothes, shoes, and jewelry then I am, but she has been since she was young.  I wonder if I will be proud of my life or  look back with sadness and regret.

    Seeing life truly can be how you take the things that happen to you and react to them.  I'm pretty confident I will be ok with where I've been and what I've done.  Yes, I still have my gaming, movies, books and write fantasy and sci-fi novels, but you know, I don't see those things as immature or as things I should be ashamed of.   Part of the reason I started this blog was to show people that it is COMPLETELY ok to be female and a geek.  Not to mention the adult part.

    One of my favorite quotes is by C.S. Lewis, "When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."  I think it truly shows a maturity to be able to proudly display the fact you enjoy the things that some might see as childish.  I love being able to tell someone that I'm a gamer of many stripes, explaining to someone what larping is or tell someone about my tabletop game I just played.  To have conversations with people regarding this new video game I played just last week or to quote Star Wars, Trek, Doctor Who or even the Princess Bride ad infinitum.

    I don't think enough people show their geek pride, even though at this point it is very much so something that is totally ok.  Granted, I am going to make the hipster comment here, I toted that flag before geek sheek came about which makes it sorta cool to be a geek, nerd or some form of what used to be seen as the outcasts from the "popular kids."  Again, ashamed at myself for saying that, but it's true.  I seriously think we all should be proud of the fact that we can figure out Thaco, can quote ALL of the Star Wars movies, can sit and talk theories of breaking the space time continuum and the next sentence be bursting out into Elven or Klingon or that comic book character we love so much, *cough* Deadpool, Ivy or Green Arrow *cough*  I think we should relish in what we are and stop trying to hide it.

    Be yourself, don't let the opinions of other's tear you down, make you hide who you are or lower your intelligence when you talk to the general public.  If they don't get what you're saying, perhaps they should look some of it up.  Thanks to modern technology we have VAST amounts of knowledge at the stroke of a few buttons, I would LOVE to make a Neuromancer comment here, but I'll be good about that.  I mean come on, we even have dictionaries on line at this point.  Let them learn a bit.  It's time we all started thinking, acting and learning for ourselves.

Seven Foot Tall Gnomes!!!! EEP!!!!

    Last night we had a great session of the Pathfinder game that I'm in, ridiculous amounts of praise goes out to Paizo Publishing for making an AMAZING game!  It takes a lot of the excellent things from D&D and makes them even better!  If you've not checked it out previously, I highly recommend you do.  Pathfinder RPG to make it all the easier for you to see about this.  I promise you won't be disappointed 

    Well this particular game that I'm in has a lot of fun.  I think it helps that we all know each other so well.  We are continuously making silly references, joking about how this relates to this other thing one or another in real life or a movie quote.  Things like that.  We've had a lot of crazy run ins with overwhelming odds and over come them.  Like finding an ancient evil temple under what the people of the town called a "lighthouse." And passing through a room which held an evil altar, finding ourselves confronted with a small demon, now we're a bunch of adventurers, you might say, we can probably take a small demon, you might say.  Well...the fact we were all only second level and this fight lasted A LONG time in real life, LOTS of dice rolling and not hitting or hitting and not doing a lot of damage.  It was a tough fight.  We prevailed, but it took a while.

    It somewhat reminds me that when you come up against things that just feel like you're not making head way, just keep at it.  Keep rolling your dice, keep attacking the bad thing and eventually it will fall.  Especially if you have some amazing people in your adventuring group to help you along the way.  I mean come on, who wouldn't want to hang out with a Half Orc Monk, a Crazy Half Elf Pirate, a half angel seeming   Inquisitor and a Riding Dog named Munch?  So much fun!

I leave you with this conversation quote from last night,
"I have to get to seventh level, I get fly."
"What did you say?"
"I said at seventh level I get fly"
"I thought you said at seventh level you get high."
"Nope, I get fly"
"I was going to ask what kind of elf are you?"
"I think that would be the Sylvan Elves, not me."
"Wouldn't it be the dwarves that get stoned?"

/laughter

Dodge! Avoiding the AOE's of Real Life Drama

    Drama, it's hurtful, frustrating and causes MASSIVE AOE's (Area of effect) to everyone around it or hit by it.  The conditional damage and DOT's (damage over time) caused by the stupid of it is never worth the effort of paying attention to it, because if you do, you give those people power over you.  Lately I've done a very good job at avoiding it, walking away from both drama itself and the people who were causing it.  Honestly, I've been happier for it.

    Part of that has been realizing that it doesn't make me a bad person to walk away from some of the people who have to be the center of attention.  Who are constantly in competition for things, or just putting an opinion or nose in where it is no concern of theirs.  I've had to re-evaluate those people I have had close to me and dodge out of the bad situations.  I had to realize that I too have a lot on my own plate and really don't have a lot of time for people who are just looking to cause trouble, break up friendships, throw fits and just in general make everyone else as miserable as they are.

    Many people have mentioned the change in my general attitude.  I'm happier more often.  I'm not hiding away because of being pushed around or walked over by someone who has to be the king or queen.  I've been able to breath, smile, live, heal and just walk upright for the first time in a long time.  It's been truly awesome and makes me feel like I have been able to beat the boss and avoid the AOE's that life throws through those people.  Perhaps I am better at "The Safety Dance"  when it comes to walls of fire rushing at me, then I thought!

    So really, don't let yourself be dragged down by the stupid that is drama.  Play the dodge game, beat the boss and walk away with your head held high!  Because you are worth it!

   

Real Life Solo Questing

    Sometimes I have days when I really can't part take in the group quests of life.  Just need a day where I'm in hiding away from everyone and every thing due to the main story line being too much, too big or just too frustrating.  It's not that I don't have options to do things, because I don't often have a weekend when there's nothing going on completely.  But I just choose to run off on my own and finish some of my crafting, watch some cut scenes (i.e. movies) or loose myself in some other story line which I don't have to take part in.

    This weekend has been one of those.  The main story line I've been dealing with lately has a lot of twists and turns and a lot of complicated and frustrating goals to complete it.  Some of which have been seeming somewhat improbable to actually getting to the point of turning in and moving on.  I'm generally a very optimistic person and am pretty good at getting through things, keeping my head afloat and using my resilience  which is one of my highest ability scores in life.  However it's good to recharge and rest sometimes.

    By no means am I wallowing in a mire which I can't get out of.  Just needed recharge, regenerate and rest so that I can come back to the quests both group and personal renewed and ready to face them.  These things have a way of working themselves out.  So that's what I'm going with.

    On a lighter note, I do keep hoping and wishing to hear the sounds of the TARDIS, showing up outside my door.  Because I'd be SO ok with going away for a while with a Madman in a Box.  I do know that there's a couple of people I would have to bring with me on that quest if it were to happen and I think I would gladly do just that.  But for now I recharge, allow my hope and resilience to come forth and relax for a day here and there.

    "Hope is one of those ridiculously disproportional words that by all rights should be a lot longer."  - Harry Dresden in Turn Coat by Jim Butcher

No Crew Like 'Em in the 'Verse

    There's been a lot of chaos in life for a lot of those people I was consider part of my "crew."  It hasn't been the fun mischievous type chaos either, it's been a lot of, life changing/breaking, frustrating, have to work your way out of broken type chaos.  It has left a lot of us unable to avoid the cursing of life for it's inevitable betrayals.  Some of these things have made me want to find out if there were some terrifying space monkeys, maybe got loose and are stirring things up a bit in the engine room of life.  Needless to say it's been a trying few months.

    The thing which impresses me most about these people I call friends is even in the face of all this badness there has been a lot of banding together like family, as a crew or crews to help each other through it all.  Showing that love keeps us afloat and makes my crew family.  When we are broken, we take care of each other, showing compassion, mutual upset, listening, having an evening/weekend full of mischief in one sense or another, getting each other out of the house to stop the dwelling, gaming for fun filled hours, going out to Conventions or sometimes even having a LAN party where we just forget about problems and shoot the gorram tar out of each other for a weekend.

    Despite all the dark times floating out in deep space of life that has been happening lately seeming as though something has been broken and can't be fixed, I can honestly say I am absolutely grateful for my crew, they have helped to create a few moments of things being shiny.  Moments that make me so glad I have them and know them.  Moments which will bring smiles to my face for the rest of my life.

    I have also been realizing exactly who I have as my crew a lot more lately.  Even in gaming I'm a social butterfly, I play MMO's to "hang out" with friends when I play.  I love to interact with other humans, see who they are and get to know them, so in the past I haven't always seen who were real friends, who were using me or who were just there in the good times.  There are still those who I am nice to, and friendly with, but not part of the crew of people who I'd actually go in a space ship on the edges of the universe with.  So I am truly glad to be finding that even with all the crazy there are people sticking by, there are people I would fight tooth and nail to keep, help and cheer up.  People who I truly consider my crew and family.  Makes a girl very happy to see and know these things.

"When you can't run, you crawl.  And when you can't crawl, when you can't do that..." "You find someone to carry you"