Today I am going to tell you all about the story of a little Mystic Theurge, who loved people. So much that she had a hard time when she was left on her own. She had people she loved more than life and knew they also cared for her in return. It had take a long time and she had many adventures along the way to find her way to these people, but she had found her family, her adventuring party and her questing partner. She knew that she had so many things that she could be absolutely thankful for. She had a domicile with her wonderful questing partner. She had a job at the Wizards Tower, while tedious and a bit stressful at times, still gave her the gold necessary to cover the needs she had.
Even with knowing she had all of this, she knew it to the deepest part of her being, however, there was a problem, a monster inside which constantly ached to get out. Constantly caused her to falter and often question the very life she was living. This monster's name was Anxiety. He and his sister Fear, were always attempting to poison everything she knew and believed. She often would spend time with those she loved and feel unwelcome, unwanted and unloved. Not because she actually was experiencing these things, but because the monsters inside were whispering in her ear. Telling her she wasn't good enough, telling her she didn't really belong, that people didn't truly like her, She was too weird, too funny looking, too friendly, not nice enough, not smart enough, over and over to the point where there were times she rolled too low on her Will save and ended up sitting by herself unhappy as she believed these monsters in her head.
There were days when the battle was to leave her bed and actually do her daily tasks. Including just walking down the stairs to start work for the day. There were days when she would just sit and cry, knowing she needed people in order to pull herself out, but she had given into Fear and couldn't or wouldn't reach out to others, whether thinking they wouldn't want to hear it or deal with her. Or just plain not wanting to burden anyone else with her battles.
Asking for help was never and option. If one of her adventuring party or her questing partner happened to be there at one of those moments and offered to help, she tried to accept, but even that was a challenge. She had always been able to fight her own battles and get through what she thought were some of the hardest moments of her life. Horrible questions were planted in her head by the monsters, "Why was this such a problem now?! Why can't I just get through it on my own?! When did I become the person who desperately needs help but can't ask due to fear?"
It took a long time for her to finally start admitting to some people that there might be a battle she couldn't win. She might need help to make it through. Asking those she loved to understand when she had to stay home or when she wasn't her happy self. Asking them to be patient when her head started to play tricks on her. Knowing that this battle is going to be a long one. She is still trying to make her way through. Trying to defeat the monsters on a daily basis and make her way back to feeling more like herself again. Some days are harder than others and the stress of the other battles which life has pushed in front of her lately hasn't made it any easier. But she is working her way out. All she asks is that others know, and if they have the ability just let her know that she isn't alone. Because she's done trying to do this on her own and finally trying to ask for help.
