My battle that I have been fighting the past few days is one that many of us fight on a daily basis and often. I have been fighting with my own thoughts, and views of me. My whole life I have had skirmishes with self doubt, lower self worth and low confidence. The past couple of days that particular monster seems to be raising it's ugly head again. It's a monster that I have put down, fought back and attempted to get away from time and time again. I know that it's a fight I'm not alone in. Many people fight with this monster daily, much less the every now and again that I have come to fighting it. I wish I could say that I didn't, but sadly the past couple of days have proven otherwise.
I attempt very much to keep reminding myself that I have people who care for me, people who tell me all the time I am a good person, or I'm attractive or that I'm amazing. I think this may be a battle that I will constantly need help with. Need to ask for help to beat this recurring villain in my life. Seeing this little Oracle doesn't seem to be able to kill it completely by herself. I do have to say that it is a huge thing asking for help with this, as I am very known for doing it myself and fixing me on my own. I am not using this as a traditional "call for help" and I'm REALLY not in a, I'm going do something stupid mode. I'm just a little less happy and a little more down, both in life itself and about myself the past few days.
I am sure it has something to do with the banality and monotony that some parts of my week have become. Plus the dark and snowy days we've had recently haven't helped I'm sure. But again I find myself fighting this fight the past couple days. I want to say fear not, I will beat it back yet again. The light has started returning, the weather is warmer today and despite having rain coming our way, it's going to be a bit warmer. I am hoping to beat some of it back with fun coming up in the next few days. With going out dancing tonight at Riot, seeing my question partner, and lots of geeky gamingness this weekend with a crazy LAN party with my friends. There will also be cheering up of some of my Crew this weekend due to sad things happening this past week.
I have been looking forward to this coming weekend's activities for a while. It will be great to spend an entire weekend just relaxing with the Crew and beating each other up or working together in made up worlds of fantasy, sci fi and the like. Should be a good time and I get to share it with my questing partner and a whole bunch of my amazing Crew. Now I just have to wait out until it is time to go have the fun so I can stop the downness.
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