Today I am going to tell you all about the story of a little Mystic Theurge, who loved people. So much that she had a hard time when she was left on her own. She had people she loved more than life and knew they also cared for her in return. It had take a long time and she had many adventures along the way to find her way to these people, but she had found her family, her adventuring party and her questing partner. She knew that she had so many things that she could be absolutely thankful for. She had a domicile with her wonderful questing partner. She had a job at the Wizards Tower, while tedious and a bit stressful at times, still gave her the gold necessary to cover the needs she had.
Even with knowing she had all of this, she knew it to the deepest part of her being, however, there was a problem, a monster inside which constantly ached to get out. Constantly caused her to falter and often question the very life she was living. This monster's name was Anxiety. He and his sister Fear, were always attempting to poison everything she knew and believed. She often would spend time with those she loved and feel unwelcome, unwanted and unloved. Not because she actually was experiencing these things, but because the monsters inside were whispering in her ear. Telling her she wasn't good enough, telling her she didn't really belong, that people didn't truly like her, She was too weird, too funny looking, too friendly, not nice enough, not smart enough, over and over to the point where there were times she rolled too low on her Will save and ended up sitting by herself unhappy as she believed these monsters in her head.
There were days when the battle was to leave her bed and actually do her daily tasks. Including just walking down the stairs to start work for the day. There were days when she would just sit and cry, knowing she needed people in order to pull herself out, but she had given into Fear and couldn't or wouldn't reach out to others, whether thinking they wouldn't want to hear it or deal with her. Or just plain not wanting to burden anyone else with her battles.
Asking for help was never and option. If one of her adventuring party or her questing partner happened to be there at one of those moments and offered to help, she tried to accept, but even that was a challenge. She had always been able to fight her own battles and get through what she thought were some of the hardest moments of her life. Horrible questions were planted in her head by the monsters, "Why was this such a problem now?! Why can't I just get through it on my own?! When did I become the person who desperately needs help but can't ask due to fear?"
It took a long time for her to finally start admitting to some people that there might be a battle she couldn't win. She might need help to make it through. Asking those she loved to understand when she had to stay home or when she wasn't her happy self. Asking them to be patient when her head started to play tricks on her. Knowing that this battle is going to be a long one. She is still trying to make her way through. Trying to defeat the monsters on a daily basis and make her way back to feeling more like herself again. Some days are harder than others and the stress of the other battles which life has pushed in front of her lately hasn't made it any easier. But she is working her way out. All she asks is that others know, and if they have the ability just let her know that she isn't alone. Because she's done trying to do this on her own and finally trying to ask for help.
Monday, November 21, 2016
Thursday, September 8, 2016
Carry on My Wayward Everyone...Peace Maybe When We're Done?
As many of you my dear readers know, I have been having some trouble keeping myself actually posting and staying current on this anecdotal pathway of events. Some of you do know what I have been dealing with, however for the rest, here is the road thus far!
For the last 3 plus years I have been battling one of the biggest battles someone like me could have battled. When you are a healer in life, you spend all of your time helping others, putting others first and attempting to ignore any pain or hardship that presents itself to you, so that you can continue to help others. This battle wasn't against a boss, per-say, it was a fight to continuously function as I had. There was a curse eating at me, taking away my ability to do all the things I love one by one, it's name was Chronic Pain. That curse grew and festered until I could push it aside no longer. I could barely move my head, my hand was continuously tingly or numb, it had been effecting my work at the Tower, it was effecting spending time with my crew and it was effecting my life with my questing partner, something had to be done. I finally had to contact my primary healer and see what could be done.
Now, thinking that maybe it was just a pulled muscle or damaged nerve, she sent me to have physical therapy. There was no imaging done, no attempt to truly find out what the problem was and sending me on my way. After nearly 3 months of this therapy with no real improvement I had to contact my primary healer again. After fighting with them for several weeks to no avail. I was finally contacted and treated as though I was once again making things larger than they were, however, they did ask questions and finally sent me to a new healer, a surgeon to see if he could help.
When I met with this surgeon, he sent me for imaging of the bone structure within 5 ticks of walking in the door. After nothing obvious came up on those, he did some actual movement testing on my arm and shoulder, as well as my neck. He was furious that my primary healer had not sent me for imaging previously and believed the therapy had perhaps caused things to get worse. I finally felt as though I had a champion who would help me and perhaps take away the curse I had been dealing with for so long.
He sent me to have magnetic imaging done, which was a whole new and weird experience for me. I had to lie in a giant tube as magnets spun around me, magically taking images of my spinal column. It was not a long process and I was contacted just a few short days later to go back and see this surgeon who truly wanted to help.
My champion surgeon, was very concerned when I met with him the second time. For I had masses in my spine as well as a protruding disc in my neck. So he sent me to another surgeon to look, as the spinal masses he was not equipped to handle. I was so relieved that I finally was getting someone to help as it had been years of pain and dealing with this in my life.
After meeting with the second surgeon, I was very pleased as well, he genuinely wanted to help as well. After seeing my images, he informed me the masses in my spine were not a problem. However, the disc in my neck was in fact going to continue to cause me pain. So it was decided that I have it replaced, a surgical procedure which should help with everything.
So, after what seemed like an eternity, though it was only a few weeks later. I went under the knife. They made me unconscious and took out my disc made of cartilage and replaced it with a bionic piece, fusing it to my spinal column. When they went in to replace it, they found that 2 of my vertebrae had also collapsed. So it was a bit more of a process than expected. However, I had no idea until I awoke in the recovery room. As I came to, I realized that I could in fact feel my left hand and it wasn't tingling any longer. I announced this, as I was very altered by the potions they had given me, just as my surgeon walked in. He got a very large smile on his face and told me this was a very good sign.
It has been nearly 3 months since the surgery, it will be officially 3 months in 5 days, and I have been progressing in the healing direction. I have had days of pain still, but they are less and less as the days go by. I know I had a lot of damage to my nerve endings and to my muscles around my spine up near my neck and I know they will take time to heal fully. However, the fact that I am finally starting to feel like myself again and to have full days without pain. I am able to go for walks again, I have been progressively more and more social with my crew and it has helped to remedy things a great deal with my questing partner.
Do I still have a decent way to go, probably. But I have been progressing in an upward direction. Albeit, I now have a tiny bit less essence than I did before this all began, but I will take the small loss and the little bit of bionics if it means and end to this curse. My wonderful sister and friend has informed me that I did in fact gain a super power from all of this, I have an insanely large pain tolerance at this point, beyond that of what I should in fact have had in my life.
My lesson to all of you in this, chronic pain is no joke. It is a curse, it is something that can be even more debilitating than the worst plague. It can cause changes in personalities, lifestyles and even dispositions. Please be very kind and patient to those who live with this curse, for until you have lived that life, you cannot begin to understand what someone is going through. Be accepting and just show them that you are there for them. If I hadn't had the support and love that I had throughout this process I honestly don't know where I would be.
For the last 3 plus years I have been battling one of the biggest battles someone like me could have battled. When you are a healer in life, you spend all of your time helping others, putting others first and attempting to ignore any pain or hardship that presents itself to you, so that you can continue to help others. This battle wasn't against a boss, per-say, it was a fight to continuously function as I had. There was a curse eating at me, taking away my ability to do all the things I love one by one, it's name was Chronic Pain. That curse grew and festered until I could push it aside no longer. I could barely move my head, my hand was continuously tingly or numb, it had been effecting my work at the Tower, it was effecting spending time with my crew and it was effecting my life with my questing partner, something had to be done. I finally had to contact my primary healer and see what could be done.
Now, thinking that maybe it was just a pulled muscle or damaged nerve, she sent me to have physical therapy. There was no imaging done, no attempt to truly find out what the problem was and sending me on my way. After nearly 3 months of this therapy with no real improvement I had to contact my primary healer again. After fighting with them for several weeks to no avail. I was finally contacted and treated as though I was once again making things larger than they were, however, they did ask questions and finally sent me to a new healer, a surgeon to see if he could help.
When I met with this surgeon, he sent me for imaging of the bone structure within 5 ticks of walking in the door. After nothing obvious came up on those, he did some actual movement testing on my arm and shoulder, as well as my neck. He was furious that my primary healer had not sent me for imaging previously and believed the therapy had perhaps caused things to get worse. I finally felt as though I had a champion who would help me and perhaps take away the curse I had been dealing with for so long.
He sent me to have magnetic imaging done, which was a whole new and weird experience for me. I had to lie in a giant tube as magnets spun around me, magically taking images of my spinal column. It was not a long process and I was contacted just a few short days later to go back and see this surgeon who truly wanted to help.
My champion surgeon, was very concerned when I met with him the second time. For I had masses in my spine as well as a protruding disc in my neck. So he sent me to another surgeon to look, as the spinal masses he was not equipped to handle. I was so relieved that I finally was getting someone to help as it had been years of pain and dealing with this in my life.
After meeting with the second surgeon, I was very pleased as well, he genuinely wanted to help as well. After seeing my images, he informed me the masses in my spine were not a problem. However, the disc in my neck was in fact going to continue to cause me pain. So it was decided that I have it replaced, a surgical procedure which should help with everything.
So, after what seemed like an eternity, though it was only a few weeks later. I went under the knife. They made me unconscious and took out my disc made of cartilage and replaced it with a bionic piece, fusing it to my spinal column. When they went in to replace it, they found that 2 of my vertebrae had also collapsed. So it was a bit more of a process than expected. However, I had no idea until I awoke in the recovery room. As I came to, I realized that I could in fact feel my left hand and it wasn't tingling any longer. I announced this, as I was very altered by the potions they had given me, just as my surgeon walked in. He got a very large smile on his face and told me this was a very good sign.
It has been nearly 3 months since the surgery, it will be officially 3 months in 5 days, and I have been progressing in the healing direction. I have had days of pain still, but they are less and less as the days go by. I know I had a lot of damage to my nerve endings and to my muscles around my spine up near my neck and I know they will take time to heal fully. However, the fact that I am finally starting to feel like myself again and to have full days without pain. I am able to go for walks again, I have been progressively more and more social with my crew and it has helped to remedy things a great deal with my questing partner.
Do I still have a decent way to go, probably. But I have been progressing in an upward direction. Albeit, I now have a tiny bit less essence than I did before this all began, but I will take the small loss and the little bit of bionics if it means and end to this curse. My wonderful sister and friend has informed me that I did in fact gain a super power from all of this, I have an insanely large pain tolerance at this point, beyond that of what I should in fact have had in my life.
My lesson to all of you in this, chronic pain is no joke. It is a curse, it is something that can be even more debilitating than the worst plague. It can cause changes in personalities, lifestyles and even dispositions. Please be very kind and patient to those who live with this curse, for until you have lived that life, you cannot begin to understand what someone is going through. Be accepting and just show them that you are there for them. If I hadn't had the support and love that I had throughout this process I honestly don't know where I would be.
Monday, July 18, 2016
The More You Know.....
It's been a while dear adventuring friends. I have been very busy with many large quests and battles in my life these last month's. I will attempt to regale you with these things soon. But first there is something very dear to my heart that I must share with you first.
A friend of mine actually shared this article on the Book of Face and it struck me as something that needed to be shared. Not just as something on my own wall, but shared with everyone who I can. This is absolutely something as adventuring ladies we deal with.
Feeling safe and accepted as a person is a reward for a huge ugly boss in our fight called life. All people deal with it to some degree. However, those of us who are women are still often battling the mindset that we are the "fairer sex." People are not aware that our boss fights in this aspect are often much larger and much harder to beat.
As a female gamer, I still occasionally hear things from my male counterparts along the lines of, "girls don't play video games," or, "you can't be a gamer, you're female." Those statements cause wounds, they are attacks, while we have all brushed them off as amusing in the past. We are stuck in the back casting heal spells on ourselves for a bit after.
It often causes us to fight back, to push forward and make sure we are better at each battle than anyone else, so we aren't disregarded as, "just someone trying to play because their S/O wants them to." Or, "she's just trying to impress and date guys." We often just get disregarded entirety as people who actually enjoy questing, fighting and having fun with these things.
So I am asking, please educate yourself that this does happen. Please think about the comments that are actual attacks that we have brushed aside every day. I know life isn't easy for anyone and it's hard to join a questing party with anyone. But if we are more mindful of those around us and how much hit point damage our words and actions can cause it makes the world a better place.
https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-reality-that-all-women-experience-that-men-dont-know-about-kelly-jrmk/
A friend of mine actually shared this article on the Book of Face and it struck me as something that needed to be shared. Not just as something on my own wall, but shared with everyone who I can. This is absolutely something as adventuring ladies we deal with.
Feeling safe and accepted as a person is a reward for a huge ugly boss in our fight called life. All people deal with it to some degree. However, those of us who are women are still often battling the mindset that we are the "fairer sex." People are not aware that our boss fights in this aspect are often much larger and much harder to beat.
As a female gamer, I still occasionally hear things from my male counterparts along the lines of, "girls don't play video games," or, "you can't be a gamer, you're female." Those statements cause wounds, they are attacks, while we have all brushed them off as amusing in the past. We are stuck in the back casting heal spells on ourselves for a bit after.
It often causes us to fight back, to push forward and make sure we are better at each battle than anyone else, so we aren't disregarded as, "just someone trying to play because their S/O wants them to." Or, "she's just trying to impress and date guys." We often just get disregarded entirety as people who actually enjoy questing, fighting and having fun with these things.
So I am asking, please educate yourself that this does happen. Please think about the comments that are actual attacks that we have brushed aside every day. I know life isn't easy for anyone and it's hard to join a questing party with anyone. But if we are more mindful of those around us and how much hit point damage our words and actions can cause it makes the world a better place.
https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-reality-that-all-women-experience-that-men-dont-know-about-kelly-jrmk/
Monday, November 2, 2015
You Have No Power Over Me...Well...Mostly...
Battle time! In a room full of people who I consider to be part of my crew and people who I have won the battle versus the boss Low self esteem, suddenly I feel very alone and out of place. I am standing on the edge of a battle field filled with the elite monsters, Stress, Unhappiness and Loneliness. I start to fight them. Knowing full well I am going to need some help in this battle as I have fought them many times before. The problem I have is knowing how to call my crew and raiding party to arms as I don't want to cause pain or worry to those I care about.
I whip out my spell of "Mischief Maker." Where I share my silliness and attempt to find that place of fun once more as well as give me a buff against the downness that I know will be coming with their attacks. As I cast this I am hit with a large Sadness attack, which lowers my defenses against them. Granted I have the buff but the damage of the attack is greater than my defense against it. Then I am hit by a wave of "Lack of Belonging," which is the second level of the Sadness. I am starting to falter, not knowing what to use against these monsters. I start to use my skill of, "Attempt to Talk About Things." But it seems it's a little too late. After several attacks from these monsters I feel defeated and use my last ditch effort of "Hide." It does seem to work slightly as they miss a couple of attacks that I have a feeling would have hurt a lot.
Suddenly I see a light in the darkness. A few of my crew have passed their perception and are noticing the fight, they cast buffs and some healing on me using hugs and verbal components. Then they join the fight and help me win the battle! The monsters go running for the hills! I start to relax and feel the effects of having my amazing crew. The victory fanfare plays and we all celebrate. I know the war is far from over, however we have won the day!
After all of this I am still suffering the after effects of the battle and I know those monsters will return to try to hurt me another day as they have been my nemesis for many long years now. For now I rest, try to let my wounds heal and let the effects of their spells wear off. They seem to be much higher than rounds per level. It may in fact be several days until I am fully functioning at my full strength again. Still, I am so grateful to my crew and raiding party that they were there for me when such ugly monsters reared their heads!
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
*Insert Bloodlust Noise Here* Lioness Mode Enabled
One of the most interesting things in life is that it is constantly throwing situations at each of us where we have to respec our talent trees or in turn re-roll as a new class of person. Each of us on our individual life path's are constantly changing, adapting and learning. It's absolutely intriguing to look at the ways each person I know has or has not changed. But in turn, we all have changed a great deal.
When we are younger everything is new, shiny and we know everything. Especially when you find yourself surrounded by people to raid with or run dungeons with for the first time in your life. You get excited and happy. You learn to adapt to other's, you learn to beat new bosses and to work with other people in that goal. Ultimately there will be people who help you in that change, whether it's because they hurt you or because they help you find your roll in the raiding party. Some people help you realize which talents you want to take on your talent tree or cause you to be more of a defensive player than an offensive player. Any way you look at it. People change. It's just something that happens.
Recently I have been finding that some people who perhaps knew me when I was just a little NEWB in this game called life seem to believe that I haven't come as far as I have. That I haven't beaten as many bosses as I have and haven't learned so many more talents on my talent tree and I have to say it has hurt and caused me to be very upset and angry. I realize they may be people who haven't seen the changes and don't know everything about where I've been over the last several years of my life path. They haven't seen the fact I've had to re-roll a few times and re-spec my entire life several times over. Honestly I don't believe that these people are worth it if they aren't going to believe that they are not the only ones who have experienced change and growth due to their own selfishness and self conscious issues, whether they're aware of it or not.
I have come a long way from where I was I was just a NEWB. I have kept a decent job here at the Tower, I have people who aren't going to continuously put me down and cause me to be in a constant state of self doubt. I have a fantastic support structure and wonderful people in my life, including my amazing questing partner who rocks my world and does his very best to be supportive and helps me through things when they're upset. I am NOT the scared, overly excited, awkward little magic user I was back then. Am I don't with my changes and my growth? Definitely not! But have I come a long way? Yes! So I suppose the only way to end this is I am me, hear me roar!
When we are younger everything is new, shiny and we know everything. Especially when you find yourself surrounded by people to raid with or run dungeons with for the first time in your life. You get excited and happy. You learn to adapt to other's, you learn to beat new bosses and to work with other people in that goal. Ultimately there will be people who help you in that change, whether it's because they hurt you or because they help you find your roll in the raiding party. Some people help you realize which talents you want to take on your talent tree or cause you to be more of a defensive player than an offensive player. Any way you look at it. People change. It's just something that happens.
Recently I have been finding that some people who perhaps knew me when I was just a little NEWB in this game called life seem to believe that I haven't come as far as I have. That I haven't beaten as many bosses as I have and haven't learned so many more talents on my talent tree and I have to say it has hurt and caused me to be very upset and angry. I realize they may be people who haven't seen the changes and don't know everything about where I've been over the last several years of my life path. They haven't seen the fact I've had to re-roll a few times and re-spec my entire life several times over. Honestly I don't believe that these people are worth it if they aren't going to believe that they are not the only ones who have experienced change and growth due to their own selfishness and self conscious issues, whether they're aware of it or not.
I have come a long way from where I was I was just a NEWB. I have kept a decent job here at the Tower, I have people who aren't going to continuously put me down and cause me to be in a constant state of self doubt. I have a fantastic support structure and wonderful people in my life, including my amazing questing partner who rocks my world and does his very best to be supportive and helps me through things when they're upset. I am NOT the scared, overly excited, awkward little magic user I was back then. Am I don't with my changes and my growth? Definitely not! But have I come a long way? Yes! So I suppose the only way to end this is I am me, hear me roar!
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Did Anyone See the Number on that Carriage?
Again my life path has caused too much business to post on the proper days, times and once again my anecdotes are not the happiest. I apologize for that once again dear readers. But honestly, I feel as though I have been constantly on a loop in a dungeon crawl as of late. This too will pass, I will once again fight my way through the dungeon and passed the bosses. Just have to make sure I don't fall over too many times on my way.
After all the other crazy things I have been battling lately. The battle against the loss of my familiar, the triumph of joining my questing partner in our domicile and home, all of the weird health things that have popped up this last year. I had a horrible thing happen with my little Ember carriage while I was away from her working in the Tower. She was hit by someone else who was attempting to leave their carriage there as well. She has some serious damage to both of her passenger side entryways. It is quite a bit of damage and I am a bit nervous that when they do the assessment this week, I am going Thursday to start that whole process, that they will tell me that my chariot has too much damage and they will total it. As she is really not worth that much gold to start with at this point.
It has been a lot of drastic change in my daily questing and my life path the last several weeks. Some of it is definitely wearing me down. Some of it is allowing me to get through my dailies much easier and in a much more triumphant manner. So hopefully with time I will find myself in line with many more of the triumphs and less of the wanting to mulligan on the days.
One of the great things is I have yet another one of my crew who has started here at the Tower with me as of today! I am excited to welcome him here and hope he enjoys the job and makes some good amount of gold as well! It does indeed make me happy that I can help my crew find decent employment, even if it is just for a little while, here at the Tower with me. I have enjoyed and been able to stick with my tasks here for a while now, and I honestly think it's one of the best places I have been employed. So welcome to the Wizards Tower!
After all the other crazy things I have been battling lately. The battle against the loss of my familiar, the triumph of joining my questing partner in our domicile and home, all of the weird health things that have popped up this last year. I had a horrible thing happen with my little Ember carriage while I was away from her working in the Tower. She was hit by someone else who was attempting to leave their carriage there as well. She has some serious damage to both of her passenger side entryways. It is quite a bit of damage and I am a bit nervous that when they do the assessment this week, I am going Thursday to start that whole process, that they will tell me that my chariot has too much damage and they will total it. As she is really not worth that much gold to start with at this point.
It has been a lot of drastic change in my daily questing and my life path the last several weeks. Some of it is definitely wearing me down. Some of it is allowing me to get through my dailies much easier and in a much more triumphant manner. So hopefully with time I will find myself in line with many more of the triumphs and less of the wanting to mulligan on the days.
One of the great things is I have yet another one of my crew who has started here at the Tower with me as of today! I am excited to welcome him here and hope he enjoys the job and makes some good amount of gold as well! It does indeed make me happy that I can help my crew find decent employment, even if it is just for a little while, here at the Tower with me. I have enjoyed and been able to stick with my tasks here for a while now, and I honestly think it's one of the best places I have been employed. So welcome to the Wizards Tower!
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
[Where the Heart Is]: Missing One Tigress...
I know I promised to post after the relocation. It has been a very long few weeks since that move. A lot of it good, but there has definitely been a very large sad thing that has happened. I have been working on unpacking and creating a home in the domicile with my questing partner. We are not quite done yet, however, it is on it's way.
While I was going through some of my scrolls and texts I definitely found I had moved a creature with me. Suddenly as I was moving a nest for a little critter, which I believed to be empty, I had a bit of a scare. A mouse ran by my hand and brushed against me. Normally I don't make high pitched squeaking noises, but being startled definitely changed that. I am not frightened of little critters like that, it just surprised me and I didn't have any of my spells ready to combat it. So I have now put out some things to attempt to capture it and hope that this will work eventually. Now the other member of the domicile came running as he was concerned there was something actually wrong. I told him what had happened and now we all laugh about it a bit. Though we still haven't caught the little critter. I'm thinking that is only a matter of time.
The good, there has been a lot of craziness, with members of my crew. We have had many days filled with seeing people, helping people with things and attempting to work our way forward in this new chapter of life. I have been feeling like my life path is finally heading in the future direction. I have stabilized, mostly, kept my position at the Tower for 2 cycles as well as next week my questing partner and I will also be celebrating our 2 years together! I am looking forward to it!
The bad, things at the tower have continued to be stressful, between the craziness of the rules changes every other day and the fact I have had a few of the codes I have deciphered returned to be redone. It is a frustrating day when I come in to communications from the higher ups, telling me to redo these things in a very rude manner. But this too shall pass, I won't pull out any of my fireballs just yet. Perhaps soon, but for now they stay in place.
The horrible, my familiar, and furbaby for many years now has crossed the rainbow bridge as of yesterday morning. Her health has been getting worse the last couple of weeks and I was finally able to get her into her healer the other day. She apparently had some very severe liver failure and had been suffering for a while. The healer informed me she was really far along in her travels to whatever is next for her. I had to make the hard and heartbreaking decision to let her go before it got worse and to let her leave with memories of me being there, holding her and feeling all of the love I have and have had for her over the years. The one thing that actually made me feel the tiniest bit better about it all was as she was being injected she wrapped her head around my hand in a hug and gave me the look of this is okay and what I need mommy. I know it was for the best and the kindest thing I could do for her, but I will always miss her. I truly feel like a piece of me is now missing. I know she will be with me in my heart and am very much trying to remember the good memories that I have of her in my life.
The first day I met her, was probably shortly after her ear had been clipped as a feral cat. She had done the living outdoors thing, and had enough, she wanted a home, a family and a person. She was the color of pussy willows, hence her name, Willow, and I was her person just about from day one. She was so loving, loveable, always knew when to snuggle / attempt to cheer someone up and to just accept the love of someone who needed a wonderful little lady to care about. I had her through so many big events in my life, it's hard to think of her not being there for the future ones.
RIP my little lady! My Willow cat
My Familiar
While I was going through some of my scrolls and texts I definitely found I had moved a creature with me. Suddenly as I was moving a nest for a little critter, which I believed to be empty, I had a bit of a scare. A mouse ran by my hand and brushed against me. Normally I don't make high pitched squeaking noises, but being startled definitely changed that. I am not frightened of little critters like that, it just surprised me and I didn't have any of my spells ready to combat it. So I have now put out some things to attempt to capture it and hope that this will work eventually. Now the other member of the domicile came running as he was concerned there was something actually wrong. I told him what had happened and now we all laugh about it a bit. Though we still haven't caught the little critter. I'm thinking that is only a matter of time.
The good, there has been a lot of craziness, with members of my crew. We have had many days filled with seeing people, helping people with things and attempting to work our way forward in this new chapter of life. I have been feeling like my life path is finally heading in the future direction. I have stabilized, mostly, kept my position at the Tower for 2 cycles as well as next week my questing partner and I will also be celebrating our 2 years together! I am looking forward to it!
The bad, things at the tower have continued to be stressful, between the craziness of the rules changes every other day and the fact I have had a few of the codes I have deciphered returned to be redone. It is a frustrating day when I come in to communications from the higher ups, telling me to redo these things in a very rude manner. But this too shall pass, I won't pull out any of my fireballs just yet. Perhaps soon, but for now they stay in place.
The horrible, my familiar, and furbaby for many years now has crossed the rainbow bridge as of yesterday morning. Her health has been getting worse the last couple of weeks and I was finally able to get her into her healer the other day. She apparently had some very severe liver failure and had been suffering for a while. The healer informed me she was really far along in her travels to whatever is next for her. I had to make the hard and heartbreaking decision to let her go before it got worse and to let her leave with memories of me being there, holding her and feeling all of the love I have and have had for her over the years. The one thing that actually made me feel the tiniest bit better about it all was as she was being injected she wrapped her head around my hand in a hug and gave me the look of this is okay and what I need mommy. I know it was for the best and the kindest thing I could do for her, but I will always miss her. I truly feel like a piece of me is now missing. I know she will be with me in my heart and am very much trying to remember the good memories that I have of her in my life.
The first day I met her, was probably shortly after her ear had been clipped as a feral cat. She had done the living outdoors thing, and had enough, she wanted a home, a family and a person. She was the color of pussy willows, hence her name, Willow, and I was her person just about from day one. She was so loving, loveable, always knew when to snuggle / attempt to cheer someone up and to just accept the love of someone who needed a wonderful little lady to care about. I had her through so many big events in my life, it's hard to think of her not being there for the future ones.
RIP my little lady! My Willow cat
My Familiar
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